An Epiphany of Mind and Body

So those of you have have spoken to me in the last, oh, 2-3 months or so have heard me lamenting the fact that I can no longer play Ultimate or run or do the physical things that I'm used to doing. Now, I'm aware that one can run for many months of pregnancy, but who wants to do that without chasing a plastic disc? I played goaltimate during my first trimester, but once I hit week 13 and was told to keep my heart rate below 140, I gave up contact sports and anything that makes me sweat or breathe too hard.

Not that I've had the energy to do sports much anyway. Just walking up the stairs or saying a run-on sentence can make me breathe heavily. It started with weeks 8-14 that were pretty rough on my physical stamina. Since then, despite the increasing energy levels of the second trimester, my naturally lazy personality has encourage a growing relationship with my couch.

So, the bitching was continuing and sick of myself, I started walking. My neighborhood is a fascinatingly diverse and strange world. Exploring it has been fun and a break from the boredom of pregnancy-sloth-life. But it still wasn't satisfying the athlete in me, the part of me that loves a challenge and wants to sweat and run and throw elbows.

Then I had an epiphany.

I was talking a few weeks ago to a friend who was days away from giving birth (Congrats to CJ and MA!). She started telling me about the prenatal yoga class she attended and made references to the birthing "moves" she was practicing on a yoga ball at home. As I listened to her, it was like something inside of me finally accepted the new state of my body. I thought to myself, "Duh, you're freaking pregnant. You have the biggest challenge before you- birth- and you want to run around and play with frisbees? A due date is not unlike a race day or a tournament. Labor has been compared to running a marathon a thousand times and athletes train for such events. Why would I not start training myself for birth?"

So I finally tried the yoga dvd that I had bought myself but had left on the shelf in its shrink-wrap. Within the first few minutes, I was in namaste when the video instructed me to "Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your growing baby." I was immediately in tears. It was the first time I had settled down, the first time I stopped to really feel what was happening in my body and to consider the profound miracle/weirdness that is pregnancy.

I'm now trying to do the dvd or part thereof daily. It not only helps my increasingly sore hips, but it gives me the meditative, reflective time that I need to promote a sense of calm. It's helped me think about breathing deeper, eating better, and relaxing more so that the baby will feel good. I'm not sure why I initially resisted this critical piece of pregnancy for so long; I'm just glad I found it when I did.

Namaste.

Halftime! (Week 20)

What's happening with baby:

- 6-7 inches long, or the size of a cantaloupe, 10-11 oz
- Nerve cells for smell, taste, touch, seeing are developing in the brain
- Sense of taste developing such that what I taste she can taste
- Hearing things outside the womb and can recognize parents' voices
- Heart getting stronger and may be heard with stethoscope
- Antibodies transfered from mom to baby, developing his immune system

What's happening with mom:

- Top of uterus approaching the belly button (or a little lower if one happens to have a freakishly long torso)
- Weight gain of approx 10 lbs
- Abdominal itching may begin due to skin stretching over belly bump
- May begin to feel baby's movements for the first time


We have movement people!!


So, I was in the car with Kyle two weeks ago, when I felt an abrupt, focal little jolt in my lower abdomen, just behind my seatbelt. Then it happened again. And again. It was undoubtably the first few fetal movements that I've really been able to feel. Ever since, I've been noticing them daily, but only once or twice have I been quick enough to put my hand over them and actually feel a kick into my hand. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before, but is most definitely a movement that feels.. joyful.

(The image above is fake, by the way.)

My First Mother's Day Gift

Much like my own changing body, this mug's functional utility is questionable and it's shape, awkward and comical... I love it!

The Naming of Things

So, Sara, started this blog off by discussing my obsession with baby names. I can't hear a person's name (or city, river, pet, or most other things) without tacking on the name Weisbrod or Gravelin and lolling it around in my head. I'm particularly amused by bizarre athlete names. I like to imagine little LaDainian or Jerious Weisbrod. I've always loved the names of the Bailey brothers from UGA (Champ and Boss). My favorite though is Plaxico. In fact, I've talked about it so much, I'd be surprised if my friend Jason Simpson doesn't call our baby Plaxico. If we don't name our child Plaxico I'll be creating a plaque preventing mouthwash with that name. Or a plastic manufacturing company.

(side note - apparently this is not just me. Once I told the girls I coach that Sara was pregnant they began suggesting names. My favorite suggestion? Fabuola)

And it's not just people names. I've already got ideas for our pet names. I'm going to put these out here, in the circle of trust, believing that no one will steal these names. At some point we'll have a hound dog (beagle or coonhound) named Tugaloo (after a lake in N. Georgia), a Rottweiler named Avon Barksdale, and cat named Secretary of State Hillary Kitten (hat tip to Shimmy who came up with president elect Bark Obama for a dog).

And truth be told, it's not just people and pet names. I really enjoy creating and implementing structure and organization in areas where there is no structure. It's what I did at the UPA and what I do at EyeWonder. It's why I coach and write about Ultimate.

At the heart of organizing is creating definitions; identifying groups of like things, identifying common criteria, giving or creating words that make it easy for people to understand. Naming something is the core of communication. Good naming not only demonstrates a deep understanding of what you are naming but also an understanding of those using the name. You give something a name that helps make things clearer, is easy to remember, and "fits" and it is an accomplishment.

But naming something is a big responsibility and can sometimes be scary. Defining something creates permanence - it prevents (or slows) change. Most of the people that were at our wedding said that they couldn't hear my vows. Truthfully, I don't recall exactly what I said. I didn't write it down. The gist of it was that I didn't want to describe or define our "love" because what was important was that our relationship could continue to grow and I didn't want to put any limits on it. I think I threw something in there about the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and the Observer effect - something about how observing our love would change it so I wasn't observing it (yeah, you were probably better off having not heard it).

Anyway, for as much as I get excited about naming a child - it's also somewhat frightening. I mean, this kid is going to be stuck with the name for Champ's whole life. Trying to think of names that fit with our family names, can't be made fun of, is flexible to allow for both a fun and professional life is a challenge.

One of the Tom's (Sara's dad) idiosyncrasies that I really appreciate is his penchant for nicknames. Sara has gone from "Silky" to "Tumbleweed" to "Silk" (the grown up version of Silky I think). In the time that I've known her, Diana has been known by "The Standard Master" and "Dideedejee" (sp?) or just "Didee" for short. Laura is "Laura-bud."

The beauty of nicknames is that they can evolve and change. They can adjust to capture the essence of the person as that essence changes. And the nicknames, as a collection, can provide a fuller picture of a person than just the name that they were given on the day of their birth. So here's to nicknames.

Oh, and as for actual names, while I was cool with sharing them before Sara was pregnant, now I feel like it would be bad luck to talk about them. But we've got a few in mind.

The End of an Era

Yesterday was the last day that I will ever have to wear the short white coat of a student. Before medical school- and having spent no significant time in a teaching hospital- I was unaware that there were differences in rank based on the length of coat. In truth, different institutions have different rules (At Duke, for example, everyone wears short coats until they finish their residency), but in general medical students wear white coats that hit around the hip (and have extra large pockets for the copious things we have to lug around the hospital halls) and anyone with an MD wears a longer coat. There are other details like attendings wear coats with cloth buttons, but such distinctions are more subtle and I'm not sure anyone cares but the attendings.

So, my coat is retiring and thank god because it's filthy! I have actually washed it occasionally, but it's white. How the heck am I supposed to keep it clean? In France, many hospitals have actually banned white coats, ties, and full length sleeves because as you lean over a patient these clothing items can cross-contaminate. I always roll my sleeves up and I take off the coat whenever I can. Not is it only dirty, but it's quite heavy actually. I think medical school is all about developing stronger neck muscles to combat the weight of a coat that really doubles and a back-pack. When I first began clinic rotations during my third year, I was told to carry everything with me, but my back was not going to survive. Like a hiker on the AT, I slowly thinned my loot and got down to the essentials. Little by little various instruments left my pockets. My tuning fork? Haven't seen it for a year. An otoscope and ophthalmoscope? Leave 'em at home now. Reflex hammer? You can use the end of your stethoscope, or your hand, or a spoon off of a lunch tray (just kidding, never done that). The only things one absolutely needs in their coat are: a stethoscope, a pen light, and the intern bible "Pocket Medicine." Beyond that, you are torturing your neck.



So as I left the hospital today for the last time as a student, I was harkening back to my first semester in medical school- nearly 4 years ago- when we were presented with the white coat at a special ceremony. (See picture above with Beth and Steve. Note: the coat is impeccably clean!) Back then Kyle was still in Colorado and I was living with his folks, madly studying flashcards and trying to remember the krebs cycle yet again. What a long way I have come. Now I know the structure of the body (anatomy) and how it works (physiology) and the natural course of disease (pathophysiology). I know what questions to ask when a patient comes in with chest or abdominal pain and I know how to rule out potentially lethal causes. I know how to write orders, how to communicate with nurses and other doctors, and how to safely discharge a patient.

I've come a long way, and despite that, I'll have a huge leap to make in July. The most patients I've ever cared for at once is probably three and I'll have to jump to caring for 10 of my own patients and covering for 30-40 at night. People say that managing is all about learning to be efficient, but I'm nervous that I'll start to overlook the little things. For example, this month three families made a point to thank me for my humanity and for explaining things to them in a way they could understand. This is the quintessential role of a medical student and one that I have cherished. Having a little more free time than the docs makes it easier to have sit-down talks with families and make sure their needs are truly met. I just don't want to lose that in the chaos of residency. I want to be a humanitarian first and foremost. After-all, that's why most of us have gone into this field.

So here I am, poised on the edge of a steep transition, about to start what is supposed to be one of the hardest years of my life. It's difficult to look back and appreciate how far I've come with that looming before me, but I'm trying. I'm thinking back to that white coat ceremony when I said the Hippocratic Oath for the first time and how the years that followed were challenging but greatly rewarding and I can only hope that the next four years of residency will be the same.

Week 16

By popular request, I am posting my first "baby bump" picture. Here I am at 16 weeks:

Note: I am wearing my new maternity jeans (Thanks, you-know-who!) that have an elastic band instead of a zipper and button. Who knew that they make cool "mom jeans?"
Going to the maternity store was sort of fun. They're so gentle and kind there like they know that at any moment they might be in the path of a pregnancy hormonal rage. They offered me and Kyle water and even had a store bathroom for their pee-happy customers (yes, I did have to use it). In the dressing room, they had a belly pillow that you strap around yourself in order to make sure you can grow into the clothes you try. So weird!

This weekend was gorgeous. Scratch that. Saturday was grey and it rained all day, but Sunday was awesome. Kyle and I walked to the Inman Park Festival, one of my Atlanta favorites and checked out fun art and beautiful homes. Here are some pics around the house I took while the sun was out:

One of two dogwoods we planted with hastas and lenten roses in background:


Porch flower planter:


The house:


Saturday during the rain, Kyle and I watched Food, Inc. Most of the information about the food industry was not new to us, but the images inspired us to try to be better about knowing where our food comes from and supporting sustainable, healthy, cruelty-free food sources. When we lived in Colorado, it wasn't as difficult to buy affordable, organic or natural food, possibly because the demand there is higher and drives the price down. Boulder has at least 5 natural food stores that I can think of off the top of my head... Atlanta is a bit more challenging.

Since we've lived here, we've sort of fallen off the band-wagon of supporting really good food sources. The Whole Foods here is way pricier than in CO, not to mention it's harder to get to. Last night, while shopping at good ol' Kroger, Kyle and I tried to compare and make better decisions. We went with organic chicken and were disappointed to find that although there was hormone-free beef, it was not grass fed. The only cilantro we could find was from Mexico and the mushrooms said Pennsylvania, but I couldn't figure out if that was where they were grown or just where Dole headquarters is located.

We spent a little more money, but I think in the end it's worth it to feel good about voting with dollars. As I continue to focus my attention on these food issues, I'm sure I'll become more savvy about where the deals are for local, environmentally friendly food. Hopefully, that will curb cost a bit.

Our mission is to buy more organic, buy more local, and buy more cruelty-free meat. It's good for the environment, for us, and for the little one.

Week 15

Baby at Week 15:

- The size of a navel orange, about 4 inches long
- Legs are now out-growing the arms
- All limb joints are functional

Mom at Week 15:

- Starting to show such that a knowledgeable patient today said "You pregnant?" while a fellow student, once told the news, said, "Oh, thank God you told me. I've been wondering since I thought I saw something that's not supposed to be there, but you know how it is when you ask someone if they're pregnant and then they're really not and it's really awkward."
- Feeling good in general.
- Dreaming more vividly (I'll omit the details of the dream in which I was "practicing breast-feeding" with my cats...)


Our First major baby purchase: A pimped out REI stroller



I felt like it was a little early to be buying these kind of things, but it was really more the 20% off REI membership coupon that was expiring this week rather than my excitement to baby-fy our house that inspired me to make the move. Now the stroller is sitting in the living-room like a piece of furniture tempting someone to try to squeeze their butt in it (Yes, I've thought about it). Despite the motives, I'm super excited about this piece of gear.

To put it in context: Kyle and I have been using our REI membership and credit card bonuses to buy gear for years. In the past, we've picked up tents, bikes, sleeping bags, running shoes, and all the Smartwool socks one could want. Using the money on a stroller this year seemed like a bit of a disappointment at first (nothing for me!?), but then I discovered what this baby can do...

It's a jogging stroller but with a fully swiveling front wheel, it can be used anywhere. It turns on a dime. It drives better than our cars. The wheels are quick release much like a bike. It can be adapted for infant car seats. It folds up with two quick moves. It's got a great suspension system and comes in sweet colors.

Maybe I'll try to take a nap in it after-all...