Two Months Old!

Sam's 9 weeks old today. In new developments, he's holding his head upright for longer periods of time, he's sucking on his hands, and making lots of spit bubbles. He's cooing and starting to make some new sounds. Still smiling a lot, but not laughing just yet (unless it counts while he's sleeping...)

How Life Has Changed (Sara)

So I'm going to have to disagree some with Kyle's previous post about feeling that life hasn't changed dramatically since Sam was born. I don't usually like to draw attention to gender differences because I think they're often socially constructed, but I do think there are some very real biological differences between mothers and fathers that color their experience in different ways.

Central to the issue is anatomy. Spending time at home to recover after labor and being a nursing mom are both huge factors.

Before Sam was born, I had never been a patient before. I had never broken a bone, needed an iv or had stitches. In a single day, I then had an iv, an epidural/spinal anesthetic, and a foley catheter (that's for pee, folks and luckily they placed it after the spinal kicked in). Oh, and let's not forget the c-section itself, which is major abdominal surgery during which the surgeons pull your abdominal muscles apart.

Being a recovering patient was therefore a very new experience for me and required that I stay home from work. This too affected my life greatly as my very identity seemed to change.  One day, I was a training physician- attending daily medical lectures, taking overnight call in the hospital, and making important decisions for patients- and the next, I was a stay-at-home mom- caring each minute for a completely dependent and helpless creature.

I'm sure all new moms have mixed emotions about their own recoveries and subsequent solo time at home with a newborn, whether they're choosing to return to work or not. Some days I felt completely content about being with Sam and worried that returning to work would be awful; I couldn't imagine being away from him. Other days, I really missed work, missed my physician identity and the excitement of training and learning.

A huge component of being at home with a newborn of course is nursing. Never before have I had anyone so dependent on me. In Sam's first 3 weeks of life,  it felt like all I did was breast-feed him, recover from breast-feeding him, or think about the next time he would need to feed. My body felt exhausted from holding him and from hunching over to gaze at his face.

- - -

As the weeks have passed, that initial drama of suddenly having a newborn has mellowed. I can already look back and think, "Wow, if I did that again it would be easier because I would understand more about what to expect, how to take care of myself, and how to savor my time at home." True to what all parents say, this has all gone by so fast...

Now that I am back to work, I would propose that Kyle and I are having a more common experience of parenting. We are both balancing our work with a new schedule of drop-offs and pick-ups at Beth's house. We both cherish our time with Sam and value the opportunity to be in the working world, doing something we like to provide a good living for our new family.

Yet the biology remains and 2-3 times a day, I have to steal away from my work duties to pump breast milk. Of course, that's a choice I've made, but it's one I actually enjoy. I like knowing that even when I'm away from Sam, I'm working at being both a physician as well as a nursing mother. Beth recently placed a photo of Sam in my pump so when I open it up, I see his little face smiling at me. While I pump (in a private call room), I can review patient charts and write my notes on our electronic medical record.

Yup, that's right. I'm Super Doctor Mom.

- - -

Moving past the anatomy, I generally agree with Kyle's overall point that having Sam has not changed the core of who I am. It may have felt a little like that at first, but now he is seamlessly integrated into our partnership. What has changed is that our partnership is now a family.

A family.

Something about that word had my smiling in the car the other day. I never thought that having a child would make me feel so... happy. Sam is like a project that Kyle and I share; he's our little creation, our love. Nurturing him and sharing the responsibility of his care, has made me love Kyle more deeply than before.  I feel like I belong to something, something that can be absolutely what I want it to be.

And that's how life has changed.

How Life Has Changed (Kyle)

Sam is eight-weeks old today.

At work, with friends and family, I seem to be getting a lot of questions with the same theme: "Is everything different now?" "Do you feel different?" "Do you see the world differently?"

Perhaps it's my natural contrarian instincts or maybe it's my aversion to discussing personal details of my life except by my own terms but my default response to this question is "no." I'm also somewhat confounded by these questions. I have never expected that a life change, even one as profound as having a child, alters who you are fundamentally as a person. I'm no expert, but character and personality development seem to be pretty set by the time you're 31 years old. I would have never asked that of anyone else and (even as a pretty judgmental person) I've never thought to judge a parent as different from a non-parent.

I have a hard time even expounding on my "no" answer. My stock answer has turned in to something like "I'm pretty domestic to begin with so it really hasn't changed my life much." And that's pretty true. I'm in to routine - I like to go to sleep at a specific time, wake-up up at a specific time, and eat at a specific time. Those times change ocassionally depending on what is going on during certain periods of my life, but I'm very regular. This hasn't been impacted much with Sam. In addition, we don't go out much at night. On weekends, Sara and I will rarely stay up past 11pm. Now, instead of reading books, I read them out loud and have to take occasional diaper change breaks.

The follow-up question typically is something along the lines of "Are you more tired than you've ever been?" or "is this the hardest thing you've ever done." I know people expect me to say "yes!" and then gush about how hard having an infant is. But I just can't do it. Sara and I seem to have a pretty good night time routine; Sam wakes up, I change him, bring him back to bed, and give him to Sara to feed. By now, Sam has gone from a feeding every two hours at night to one every 4 hours or so and seems to be well on his way to sleeping through the night. The last couple of nights we've put him down at 9 or 10, he's woken up around 2:30-3 and then again at 6 or 6:30. Not so bad (except for the nights that I have a hard time falling back asleep).

What's also helped is that after the HS Ultimate season last year, I added in morning workouts from June until Sam was born. I was budgeting about 2 hours a day for the work-out. I'd wake up at 6 be done and showered by 8 and at work by 9. Once Sam was born I cut-out the work-outs and just planned to sleep from 9 or 10pm at night until 8am. With 10 or 11 hours allocated for "sleep" waking up a few times didn't impact me too much. Now that Sara is back at work, I've had to add time in to take Sam to my Mom's place - but with Sam sleeping more it's been completely doable (asleep at 10pm, awake at 7am, leaving for for work at 8 and dropping Sam off on the way). I miss the work-outs but it's been an easy exchange to make.

But, over the past couple of weeks, I have started recognizing what is different. While I haven't changed and my perspective on life hasn't changed and I don't feel terribly tired or that raising Sam (so far) has been terribly hard work there is something that is new. I feel that there is a new fullness in my heart. It's strange to realize that. It's not that there was space there before - at least I didn't recognize that there was space there. But Sam has filled something. He's added density to my being.

Videos full of Cute!

                                                      

I've gone back to work...

Hence the lack of new blog posts.

Yes, I wish I could have taken more time off. It wasn't impossible. In fact, my program director said she would understand if I did take more time. The trick is, I have to "make up" all the time I miss since I'm in a training program. Emory will let me do 1 month as an "away elective" in Seattle, but no more than that. So if I took off more than 6 weeks (2 vacation + 4 paid medical leave), I'd have to stay here in Atlanta in July and make it up. This would push back my arrival date in Seattle and I'd miss orientation completely. Anesthesiology is pretty tricky because all the residents start together and get oriented on the equipment and safety issues at the very beginning.

Well, those are all the logistics at least, but I'm sure no one wants to hear about them. Fact is, I LOVE medicine and learning and taking care of patients, so part of me was eager to go back (maybe having a baby intern year when I'm not yet jaded by medicine is a good thing?). I felt almost 100% physically recovered by 6 weeks so my body was ready to walk the hospital halls again. I did feel a little sad, though, to know that my protected time off with Sam was over and I'm certain that if/when we have #2 I'll be taking a full 12 weeks off.

Luckily, he gets to hang out with Kyle's mom, Beth, everyday who is about the best child-caregiver you could ever imagine (see how Kyle turned out?). Really, I think it made it emotionally easier to know that he'd be with her all day. I enjoy the bit of freedom I feel in the morning when I leave the house without Sam and can listen to loud music (ok, it's usually npr... who am I kidding?). At first I felt a little guilty about this, but I'm also aware of how important it is for parents to have a sense of balance in their lives, and with their identities. Becoming a physician is important to me and something that I've always wanted to combine with motherhood. Yes, there are compromises on both sides (less time with Sam, less studying), but I just feel so fortunate. In the morning, I feel happy to put on my white coat and in the evening I feel so excited to pick Sam up and drive him home.

All I can say is: so far, so good.

Here's some recent Sam eye candy (7 weeks old):

He's "discovering his hands"

He's generally a mellow baby, but he does have his moments... 

(Note the bib)

He's been drooling a lot more and tracking people with his eyes better.

Naked baby in a towel!

Thanksgiving- Six Weeks Old

We went to Beth and Steve's for Thanksgiving dinner and enjoyed an amazing Southern-themed meal (smoked turkey, streusel stuffed sweet potatoes, collards, mac n cheese, green tomato/vidalia onion au gratin, and more). Their neighbors, the Rhees, also joined the meal.

Check out the amazing food:

Afterward, relaxing with some football.

At the table, playing peek-a-boo with Steve:

Aunt Didee Visit

Diana came for a visit this past weekend. Knowing that the was up to the challenge, Sam gave her an advanced clinic in diaper changing, skipping the somewhat easy "wet" diaper for the notoriously more complicated "dirty" diaper (that's "pee" and "poo" respectively for all you none-parenting types).

She also helped me to make a couple meals and I had my first outing to the mall in forever (Sam stayed at home with Papa for his first ever bottle feeding!).

Diana's fiance, Mark, also made a guest appearance, but Sam spared him the diapering clinic (for another time, wahaha!)

Sam gave us a napping demonstration: "Napping in Unlikely Places and Other Cool Tricks"

And we rounded out the weekend with some chill family time on the couch.

First Bath

Sam's usual evening hang-out with Papa:

Did we mention that he's been smiling?

First bath time:

Drying off:

It was only after we'd dried him off and dressed him for bed that we realized we didn't really wash his hands or feet. I think I was so excited and nervous about the first bath that I kinda forgot to actually bath him!

Aunt Lula Visit

Laura came for a visit this past weekend and Sam really appreciated all the diapers she changed and when she rocked him to sleep. She kept laughing whenever he cried or got fussy, which made me think she was a most ideal babysitter...

Sam's getting daily "tummy time" practice and he's really starting to lift his head now:

Did I mention that he now weighs 11lbs... and that he's only 4 weeks old. Alexis was concerned that he wasn't chubby enough when she was here two weeks ago. I think she'd be feeling much better now!

Then, with Aunty Lex:

Now:

Mom and man:

Music

Much to our relief, Sam appears to appreciate live concerts. Well, at least when Kyle is playing. I tried to soothe him with some Fleetwood Mac the next day, but to no avail...

3 Weeks Old

He's starting to make some great facial expressions:

So true that I needed a date out! Beth and Steve came over Sat to watch Sam while Kyle and I walked over to the Cabbagetown Chomp and Stomp Chili festival, our favorite event in the city!

Kyle told him the rules of the game then practiced some disc skills.

Chillin with Dad on the couch.

Early Lessons

So you may have noticed that all I've had time to post since Sam was born is pictures and videos. I've thought about various post ideas, like processing his birth or the first few days with him home, but every time I sit down to write even an email or a thank you note, I invariably get interrupted by a dirty diaper, or a feeding, or cries of boredom. It would probably take me a week to get it together. So instead, here's a list of things I've been learning along the way:

1. Mothering is a full-time job and the baby is your boss

2. Cloth burp rags also make excellent napkins in a pinch

3. Mastering the perfect diaper tightness is essential to not changing baby's clothes with every wet or dirty diaper (really, how does the pee get all the way up to the armpit?)

4. When baby cries, trouble shoot in this order: check diaper, soothe, check if baby warm/cool enough, feed. If still crying, repeat cycle.

5. The 5 S's of Soothing an infant: swaddle, sway, suck, side-position, "shh." If at any time you are doing 3 or more of these you can usually be confident that you are in fact soothing the baby. On rare occasions, you are instead totally overwhelming him.

6. The "Baby Blues" is a very real phenomenon.

7. The infant stage is to many parents what birth is to mothers: totally painful and difficult yet somehow all negative feelings are blocked from memory. (Veteran parents:  "Oh my gosh, this is such a precious time! He"ll never be this tiny again" New parents: "Thank God for that.")

8. Finishing your morning coffee in one sitting without interruption (and not having to re-heat it) is a triumph! It also helps to drink it out of a lidded-mug.

9. Worst moment: It's 4am and you just woke up, changed his diaper, breast-fed for 30 minutes, then burped and cradled him for 5 minutes. You are just about to put him down when you hear/feel him take a very large dump. For a minute you contemplate letting him sleep on it (Hey, if it didn't wake him up already...), but then the thought of your child stewing in his poo is too awful so you do the right thing and get back up to change him. Again.

10. Best moment: Watching your child fall asleep in the crook of your arm, noting the way his eyelids flutter, the way his breathing increases then slows, and the way his lips sometimes curl into a smile, leaving you wondering if you had something to do with this flickering moment of joy.

The little guy hanging out in the most awesome sling that Lindsay made for me. She's so crafty!

18 Days old, 9lbs 8oz, 22in

Family Visit

"The Tom" with Sam

Nana and Sam

All the Grandparents together!

Three generations of Gravelins

The little duder (Day 12)

More Pics

Day 6:

Sam's get-up for our daily walks:

Picture of the week:

I pulled out the camera to document how Kyle was caring for Sam and May at the same time. Just as I snapped the photo, May, who was obliviously enjoying a belly rub from Kyle, rolled off the couch, landed on the baby bouncer which bounced her back to the ground on all fours. It was hilarious! Here you can see her just about to take flight:

Day 7:

Chief and Abba came over to share dinner. Then they took the first babysitting duty while Kyle and I ran  errands (such is a Saturday night when you're a parent; getting out to grocery shop suddenly seems exciting!)

Day 8:

Happy week-old birthday Sam!

What better way to celebrate than with three generations of Weisbrods watching the Falcons win?!

The Life of Sam (some pics and video)

So, here it is day 6. There's a lot of posting to be done but I'm not going to do it now. Time seems to be operating differently the last six days. It's gone by tremendously slowly in the sense that our life before Sam feels like millions of years away. But it's gone by so fast as the details of each day are already starting to blend together and fade. Hopefully, we'll have some stuff written while the edges are still sharp enough. But for now, here are some pictures and videos of Sam's first few days. Apologies for the formatting of everything.

Day 1:


















































Day 2: Apparently we don't have too many pics from Monday. We were all very sleepy.

Day 3: Yes, Sam's bilirubin was a bit elevated and the poor guy got a little bit jaundiced. This meant he had to have a UV light over him for about 20 hours or so. He took it in stride though - here he is with his shades on pretending he's sunbathing on a beach.










Day 4:

Sam came home on Wednesday, Day 4. Here he is already to go in his "Daddy's Champ" outfit.

Day 5:









Day 6:

EDD

Our estimated due date (EDD) has come and gone and left me feeling a bit disappointed (mostly because I had to return to work today after a nice relaxing weekend). EDDs are always +/- 2 weeks so we're still well within a reasonable time frame; it's just that the waiting is agonizing and my body is ready to return to normal.

Isn't it so strange that at a certain moment, my body and Champ's little body will decide "It's time!" and things will start to change drastically?

There is, no doubt, some evolutionary benefit to the end of pregnancy being so uncomfortable. Until about a week ago, the last nine months has been rather pleasant and certainly transforming. It's been exciting to experience each new step of pregnancy and to receive so much positive attention from the people around me. Overall, I've had a very easy time of it (little nausea, virtually no leg swelling or heart burn, no trouble with sleep). If it didn't get a little uncomfortable in the end, perhaps more women would grieve the end of their pregnancies, or worse, feel more reluctant about laboring.

I am definitely getting fired up to get things moving. Kyle and I took a walk on Saturday, a loop that would normally take 10-15 minutes. I think it took us 30 because I had to walk so slowly and stop multiple times to catch my breath. After that and a quick errand, all I could do was lay on the couch while Kyle unpacked the groceries and waited on me with snacks and hot apple cider (he's the best). Additionally, the shear weight of Champ has been making it harder just to turn over in bed. I have to lie pretty far over on my side to take his weight off of torquing my back.

I'm pretty sure Champ is getting just as uncomfortable as me. When he does move, he seems like he's trying to stretch out and create more space for himself. When he pushes his feet outward, I can feel that they're full-sized!

This pregnancy has gone by fast and I'm trying to savor the last few days of it, but I'm also so eager to meet Champ and see what he looks like. I can't wait to meet this little creature that developed inside of me and discover what makes him unique.

I'm ready whenever you are little man...


(Photo not me btw.)